30 Things I learned Before 30
So, my first blog post. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was going to talk about (as I have a million things going on in my head), but since I just turned 30 this year, I felt it was only appropriate to start off with my very own, “30 Things I learned Before 30” list.
The big 3-0. We all know that as the years go by, we are only getting older. But to be honest, it’s a little weird to say that I’m 30 years old. I just don’t feel it. Are you even supposed to feel anything? All I know is that I feel the exact same way as I did when I was in my 20’s - & I think that’s a good thing, ha!
It took me some time to compile this list. I had to edit some points & also add some points that I remembered along the way that I felt were important to share. Listen, the list can go on forever, there are so many life lessons that I learned, but we aren’t trying to be on this page all day. Also, just a disclaimer - I am in no way implying that I am a life coach, therapist, counsellor, or the like. This is all from my own life experience & lessons I’ve learned along the way that I feel are worth sharing.
It is not in any particular order. Here it goes.
It’s okay to not have everything figured out.
not everyone knows what they want or want to be in life. Take your time & dive into different (halal [permissible]) interests. Remember, it’s a journey.
It’s okay to be honest with people even if you might fear their reaction.
growing up I wasn’t someone who spoke up enough when I needed to. I didn’t like the idea of hurting anyone’s feelings or people getting angry or disliking me. Later on in life I realized it was to avoid confrontation & to keep the peace at all costs. That never helps. Being truthful, honest & clear, even if someone in your life won’t like it, is better for you in the long run.
Get into the habit of reading.
I was never an avid reader. I used to think, “well, I’m just not a reader.” But I got honest with myself & it ran deeper than that - I never thought I could become a reader. Those were the thoughts & beliefs I had about myself. But what you think about yourself isn’t always true, remember that.
No is a complete sentence.
if you don’t feel like it & it makes you uncomfortable, don’t do it. You have a voice & the power to say no. When you feel overpowered by someone, saying no can almost feel like a crime that you will be punished for. You can still be respectful, polite but firm in saying no. For me, I found it difficult to say no over the years. It takes time to get comfortable with that word. You can do it.
Always be true to yourself.
you don’t have to be who everyone thinks you should be, or thinks you should do. Don’t live up to other peoples’ expectations of you. Live up to your own. Do what you think is best for yourself & your life. Don’t feel like you need to water yourself down to please others or make people like you. Be yourself, there’s only one you.
Don’t waste your time people pleasing.
a painful lesson I learned in life is that you will never be able to please people, ever. No matter what your intentions are or how much effort or explaining you put in to try to make them happy or understand. Sometimes, it just isn’t enough.
Pick up a hobby.
hobbies help you stay productive. You learn new skills along the way, & sometimes hobbies can transform into a business. Don’t be afraid to try new things (that are good for you).
Learn to forgive yourself.
try not to beat yourself up so much for the things you didn’t know in the past. Tell yourself you didn’t know any better. And now that you know better, do better. Forgive yourself, learn from it, & move on.
Don’t worry too much about what others think of you.
you literally cannot control how people feel or think about you, no matter what you do or how good you are to them. Be good to others & yourself, & don’t be too consumed about the thoughts of others, it won’t benefit you in any way.
Start a garden.
gardening is an activity I got into recently (I still have LOADS to learn). Why don’t we learn how to grow our own food? I mean, we put it into our bodies. I found it to be therapeutic, refreshing & fun. It’s amazing when you see that tiny seed grow into an actual fruit or vegetable. It also helps reduce stress & allows you to connect more with nature. It’s a great hobby, go for it! … Or should I say, GROW for it, hehe.
Learn how to drive.
I was obsessed with driving in high school. Any chance I got I was on the road. . .or close to a tree (listen, you don’t get it right the first time okay). Anyway look, I know it can be very scary for many, but try it slowly, even if it takes you months or years. Driving gives you more freedom & it’s easier to get around. You don’t have to own a car, but if you know how to drive, it allows you to be more flexible. And I get it, not everyone wants to or cares to drive, but if you do, fight your fear & get behind that wheel! There’s no short cut. My mom learned how to drive when I was in my mid 20’s, & she was terrified. It’s never too late.
12. Your past does not have to define you.
I heard a quote before, I don’t know who it belongs to, but it goes, “We use Qadar (predestination) to console our past, not justify the future.” Most of us have our regrets from our past, don’t dwell on it too much. Let your past be your teacher. You have the power now, in the present, to change your life. As Muslims, we believe that everything is already written us. Our life was predestined for us. Keep this in mind the next time you harp so much on your past, it was meant to happen. It doesn’t mean that things can’t change. So, don’t let your past pain, regrets or bad decisions define who you are or what you want in life now.
13. Build good habits at a young age.
pretty clear cut. When you get older you start to have more responsibilities & it can be difficult to not only start a habit, but to keep at it & be consistent. When you start younger, these habits will be like second nature to you. Good habits at a young age will also help shape the quality of your life in the future.
14. Not everything you want will come right when you want it.
ask Allaah (God) for the things you want, try your best to work towards that, & be patient. Sometimes what we want may not always be good for us. Also, don’t expect to get things that you want without putting in work for it first. Of course, there have been times that people have gotten what they wanted without working for it, but don’t depend on that too much. Even if you worked hard for something & didn’t receive it, you will appreciate the work you put in.
15. Finding your passion can take time.
don’t feel bad if you still haven’t found something you’re passionate about. The more you get to know yourself, the more you find out what you like & dislike. It doesn’t happen overnight.
16. Spend more time with your parents.
I lost my father to cancer. It was one of the most painful & difficult times of my life. I had a hard time processing everything. There’s nothing easy about losing a loved one, especially a parent. You almost think they’ll live forever. Spend more time with them if they are still alive. Connect & bond with them. Same with family. Keep ties with them, even a hello or wishing them well is a good thing. I know it can be hard for some people who have strained relationships with their parents though - maybe a phone call, text to say hello? It’s a start. It’s never too late to mend things with our parents, it’s worth it & highly encouraged in our Deen (religion).
17. Practice gratitude
there are many benefits to practicing gratitude. First off, this is taught in Islaam. We as Muslims should be grateful for what our Lord has given us. Allaah says in the Quran, “If you are grateful, I will give you more.” [14:7]. By the Mercy of Allaah, He promises to give us more, by being thankful to Him, what a wonderful & simple opportunity to gain success in this world & in the next. Although, we are humans, & can definitely forget or fall short in this (like many other areas in life), so this is a reminder for myself as well. We can get so caught up in this worldly life, focus too much on it or on what others have that we forget about what we already have (nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself but that can happen while simultaneously being grateful for what you already have). Keeping a gratitude journal has been very helpful & reminds me of my blessings. Gratitude can also aid in relieving some negative emotions & thoughts, as well as minimizing stress.
18. Never compare yourself to anyone else.
your childhood, upbringing, personality, family, circumstance, family & life journey is different from others. Think about it for minute. You’re comparing yourself to someone you are completely different from. This is something I need to constantly remind myself about - especially when we see the “perfect” life on social media. Everyone has their own story. Even if you had similar upbringings or similar backgrounds etc, you still have experienced different things that nobody may not know of, that perhaps traumatized you in ways that effects you until this day. Give yourself & your journey a chance. Don’t compare. It doesn’t do you any justice.
19. Be kind to others.
you never know what someone else is going through. It doesn’t hurt or cost anything to be kind. And it doesn’t make you weak. Please remember that. Kindness is NOT a weakness. If you’re feeling down or feeling like trash that day, you’re better off not speaking to someone rather than cussing them out or being a jerk. Or if you have to speak with them but don’t want to hurt them, let them know you need a break or some time alone before speaking.
20. Invest in yourself.
one of the most important things in life that you can do for yourself, is invest in YOU. This can look like eating healthy, exercising, starting a business, furthering your education in worldly or Islamic studies, reading, taking care of your mental health, learning a new skill, starting a healthy hair journey and the list goes on. Looking after yourself will only help you to love yourself more.
21. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way.
our mistakes can lead us to the most beautiful life lessons. The pain, heartache and regret can give us strength & push us to never want to make those mistakes again. Learning the hard way is painful to accept, but remember, don’t beat yourself up for that which you didn’t know. You can also advise those who are younger than you, to avoid making those same mistakes you did. Pass the lesson down.
22. Not everything people say about you is true.
just because someone has an opinion of you, doesn’t make it a fact. Don’t live your life based off of what people think you are or who you are. Now, if there is something that may be true about what they said, & you don’t like it, find a way to change it, if possible. Just don’t always soak in the things people say, often times they are projecting or it comes from a place of lack in their own life, or just straight up bullying. It isn’t always simple to disregard what they have said to you or about you that was hurtful, so speak to someone you trust about it. But remember, always remember, their opinion, view or thought of you, isn’t a fact. You decide who you are, not them.
23. Learn to accept failure.
don’t be so bummed out by your failures. As I’ve once read before, “you learn more from your failure than in success”. You build strong character through it as well. Accept it, take it as an experience you never once had & learn from it.
24. There really isn’t a “perfect time”. Everyday is a perfect time.
I once heard someone say, “we all like to use the need of gaining more to postpone the work that we need to do for us to actually take action”. If that isn’t me right there. I tell myself, “but I need this and that to start”, ummmm no, not always. Just start. If you want to start something that is good for you, that you are holding back, don’t think too much about making it perfect. Don’t think you need all the tools to start that project, or business, or workout, just start. You don’t always have to wait to do more research, you just need to start.
25. Learn about setting boundaries.
this isn’t always easy for someone who hasn’t been taught to do this. I can say this has definitely been the case for myself. In fact, I still have trouble not only setting boundaries, but staying firm in them when I need to. Establishing boundaries can trigger people who aren’t used to you having any. This can be with business partners, family members, spouses, and even friends. When people see that you cannot be taken advantage of anymore, it can possibly get them upset because they aren’t benefiting from your lack of self-respect or lack of boundaries. I believe that it is needed to form healthy relationships. If you haven’t set them before, it’s never too late to start.
26. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak.
many people grow up to believe that asking for help makes you weak. In certain household it is looked down upon to seek help in certain areas in your life. This is not a healthy way to live. This type of mindset will prevent you from seeking help & cause you to over burden yourself unnecessarily. Everyone needs help sometimes. Even the most successful people on Earth didn’t do it alone. I always say, asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you a human.
27. Face your fears.
everyone has fears. Not everyone is ready to face them though. It’s can be scary, but there really is no way around it. You have to face it head on. Avoiding it will only make it even harder for you to face and deal with. Once you do, you will see that it just wasn’t that bad. This will give you the confidence to do it again. I have avoided many things out of fear, only to realize I would have to face them eventually anyway. The sooner, the better.
28. Always stay active.
staying active can look like taking walks everyday. It can look like going on a treadmill at the gym. It can look like playing sports. It can look like doing jumping jacks in your basement, just keep your body moving. Get your body used to being active, whether you have a routine or not. Islamically, our bodies have a right over us, we must try our best to find time to take care of it. Even if it is just 10 minutes a day, keep it consistent. Health is wealth. As you get older, your responsibilities will increase & you will find your free time decreasing, especially when you start a family. Use your youth & energy towards keeping active, it will make it easier to keep up with in the future.
29. Advice is great, but it may not always apply to you.
when people give advice, it may or may not be a good fit for you or where you are in your life at that particular time. Listen to it, hear them out, apply it to your life if it will help. If not, respectfully thank them & carry on. Most people really mean well when they give you advice. But also, be realistic. Everyone is different, every circumstance is different. Not every piece of advice will always apply to you or fit into your life. So don’t feel bad if that specific advice doesn’t work for you.
30. Always try to make time for some slow days (or slow hours).
try to find a day or pockets of time where you can take things slow. I mean slow slow. Take actual sips of that hot tea or coffee, not gulps while burning your esophagus. Take your time in the warm bath with some epsom salt. Slowly brush your hair. Chew your food. Take in the fresh air outside. Soak up some vitamin D. Take deep breaths. Call up a good friend. Organize your closet. Do some colouring. Read some lines in the Quran (in Arabic or in English). Take a nap. Watch the birds go by & ponder. Watch the clouds slowly drift by in the calmest, most graceful manner. Lay down for a few minutes & do…nothing. Take it slow my dears, take it slow. It’s not a crime.